Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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