you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
