I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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