Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
