when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
