You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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