His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
