I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
