i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
