just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
