I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
