So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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