I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
