I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
