Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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