I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
