The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
