Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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