Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
