It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think I am morally bankrupt
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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