just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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