So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
