if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
