My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Randomize
