What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
