You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
