I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
