sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
No subtext here. People are naked.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
