My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
