The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
