the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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