# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
