Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
