I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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