your thong is hanging out like whoa
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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