Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
