I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
