I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
