Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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