I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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