I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
