you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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