So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just forgot I was standing up.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
