it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
