So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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