Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
