i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
