Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
