Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I cut my penus on the lid.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
