the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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