Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
