Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
