My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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