yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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